Suddenly he turned and discovered the fox eating away. He grabbed the fox and shouted in anger: “You, you are supposed to be dead!" "Oh," said the fox, "I shall tell my mother, she will be very sad." "Thief!" cried the fisherman. "Oh," said the fox, "I have only taken a few fish." "No," cried the fisherman, "you have stolen my castle!"
How many of us, like the fisherman, have built our dreams based upon one event or one idea and then felt "our castle stolen" when events do not work out as we had wished? This is not unlike the Quaker notion of out running a leading - where God gives us a direction, but then we run past the original leading and start planning and elaborating from there our own will and intention.
In my Jan. blog on Gratitude and Expectations I wrote: "And yet I am aware of how we can become so attached to a dream, or a goal as to have the expectation that life will be a certain way and experience great disappointment or frustration when it is not that way." I described this very situation of our stolen castle. Elsewhere I have also written about Santa Claus prayers, the prayers we make for something specific, addressing them to God as if the Creator was a dispenser rather than a source of wisdom, comfort or direction. All of this brings us back to what early Friends described as the dilemma of remaining low, by which they meant not getting up into our ego or our pride, staying centered and open enough to hear God's will.
As I have confessed on a number of occasions my most common spiritual problem for me is to remember The Guide in times of crisis. At such times I tend to go into fear and panic and start trying to figure my way out of the crisis completely forgetting that I have a divine source of direction. Recently I had a different experience with this. I had had a very bad dispute with my partner: between adrenaline, a misunderstanding, and harsh words, and stomping off, we were very disconnected. Some prayer in the middle of this disconnect did allow me to reach out and thus created some dialogue between us. While we were healing from the dispute, some of the fallout remained a question of whether we could carry out other plans we had made, or whether that felt too risky. We had a good discussion of this, but no conclusion was reached. I suggested sleeping on it and then suddenly realized what I really needed to do was pray about it. I'm immensely grateful that this time I could remember the Holy One in the midst of a problem.
The next day at Meeting I asked The Guide to show me clear direction about the question of whether the original plan should be carried out. First two people who rose gave messages about missed opportunities. That seemed like it could be an answer...that this would be a missed opportunity if cancelled. But was I reading into what was said? Then a third person rose and said before delivering her message: "I have been sitting with this message trying to decide if it is a message because it is very short, but it feels like I have to say it." Then she said: "Sometimes strength comes from unexpected places. Stay open and stay connected." That seemed very indisputably an answer. (And I encourage all Quakers here to notice the importance of delivering a message, even when it does not seem to you to make sense; to be faithful as this Friend was. It can be so important to someone else.) My partner had had his own unique experience at Meeting which confirmed to him that he should continue with the original plan.
My experience is that pretty amazing things happen when we live in God's Kingdom rather than in castles we build in our own imagination.
