Gratitude

Years ago a f/Friend of mine who is in danger of going blind said she was challenging everyone she knew to "play the Thanksgiving game" which she defined as being able to see what to be grateful for in the ordinary.  She reported being very grateful to be able to see.  It occurred to me upon reading what she had written that I take for granted my ability to see (and to hear, and to walk, etc.) and so I do not count these as blessings.

I have come to see from Native American people that I have spent time with that they see themselves in relationship with all of the natural world around them.  The plants and animals are all their brothers and their sisters.  Because of those relationships they are thankful for all food and all weather and all bounty that they encounter - none of it is taken for granted and none of it expected. Nor is the appears of some plants labeled "weeds", nor some animals or weather as bad.  Each are seen to be bringing their own gifts. This too seems like a posture of gratitude that I never learned coming from ancestors who took what they wanted from the earth with little consideration.

There is a Chinese Proverb that goes something like this…

A farmer and his son had a beloved stallion who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away and their neighbors exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”  A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild mares back to the farm as well. The neighbors shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the mares and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The villagers cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”  A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, ceasing all the able-bodied boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, still recovering from his injury. Friends shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!” To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

This story points out that what we are grateful for one moment maybe something we regret in another moment and vise versa.  I was quite fascinated by some happiness studies that pointed out that how people rated the goodness of certain events in their life had to do with whether they compared themselves up or down.   By which they meant if you have a "peer group" that you see as wealthy, healthy, wise and blessed and this is who you compare yourself to you will often report dissatisfaction in our own lives.   If however we have a peer group that is in poverty, poor health, ignorance or unhappy then we will consider our situation very lucky.   It is sort of sad for me to think that our very same situation could be viewed completely differently depending upon what we are comparing it to.  The story of the Chinese farmer above also points to how one could live not assigning a goodness or a badness to an event. 

In a previous blog, Who is Wealthy? https://thefriendlyseeker.blogspot.com/2018/02/,  I wrote I about how pretty much anyone middle class or more in the US is in the global 1%.   Yet because we compare ourselves to millionaires or even billionaires in our country most of us live with some false sense of struggle and deprivation.   How could we keep perspective on how blessed we are to have a roof over our head, to have food to eat, fresh running water, to have freedom, to be able to see and hear and walk, to have health, to have love?  (and if you don't have one of those how lucky you are to have the other things?)  I write this to myself because I struggle all the time to keep perspective on how blessed I am by a Provider who is gracious.

Held in the Light - a poem

Dear Comforter, Source of all Light, hold us in our pain

Friends please hold me in the Light as I interview for this Job.

Friends hold my beloved in the Light as he is operated upon on Monday.

Hold this beloved one in Light and give the strength to overcome addiction and turn from it.

Oh God Hold me in the Light as I follow your lead and risk to be faithful.

Hold my parent, my child, my friend in the Light as they lie dying.

In the Light we are held by you all as we broken heartedly grieve.

Friends hold me in the Light as I find strength to speak truth to power.

Hold us in Light as we give birth to new beginnings.


Hallelujah Holy One celebrate with us!

Thank you Creator for the birth of this new life!

Thank you for the blessing of meaningful work and a place to do this work.

I'm grateful for this new love.

What a blessing to watch the joy and the unfolding of our children's lives.

Thank you for the kindness of the stranger today, and for the chance to be that kind stranger.

Thank you Lord for this life well lived, even as it parts from us we are grateful.

Oh Light, thank you for your Presence in our every passing moment!

Lynn Fitz-Hugh
5/10/2014

Gratitude and Expectations

I have been thinking about Gratitude.  I remember a f/Friend of mine who sent out a Christmas letter in which she invited us all to play the "thanksgiving game".  She said it is easy and gave examples that she is thankful that she can see so she can read, that she is grateful that she can walk so she can go places.  She is slowly loosing her eyesight and had polio as a child and so it makes sense that she is grateful for such things.  As an able bodied person it , unfortunately, never occurs to me to be thankful for such things.  I have an expectation that I will see and walk and because I have that expectation I take it for granted.  In fact I sometimes struggle to find what to be grateful for, focusing on problems and feeling sorry for myself about those things.  My expectations often cause me problems as I get upset by things which are not as I thought they would be.

Right now I have a lot of gratitude- in fact I feel a little like someone who has won the lottery and keeps expecting someone to come knock on their door and ask for the check back because it is all "a big mistake".  I have been thinking about how expectations, like goals and dreams are generally a good thing and help us aim for things and collectively move forward in life.  And yet I am aware of how we can become so attached to a dream, or a goal as to have the expectation that life will be a certain way and experience great disappointment or frustration when it is not that way.  So I have sat in the silence of Meeting trying to reconcile those two things - the good of our dreams and the problems of our expectations.

I thought about the old saying:  "I will do X tomorrow, God willing and the Creek don't rise".  One thing about that saying is it makes the assumption that all or our intentions are subject to God's will.  It occurs to me that the problem with expectations, dreams or goals is not having them, but when we do not subject them to The Divine Author, but rather see our lives as separate from God wholly of our own making.  Among other things this does separate us from the source of our blessings.  When we are not busy being our own Creator, it is easier to notice all the many small and large blessings and goodness of the Creator.